Kira Nelson: Experience of the Tremendum as Enriching the Life of Man

“And I say also this. I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes. I will tell you of a day in my life that has shaped me; such a day as comes only once, like love, or serving Oyarsa in Meldilorn. Then I was young, not much more than a cub, when I went far, far up the handramit to the land where stars shine at midday and even water is cold. A great waterfall I climbed. I stood on the shore of Balki the pool, which is the place of most awe in all worlds. The walls of it go up for ever and ever and huge and holy images are cut in them, the work of old times. There is the fall called the Mountain of Water. Because I have stood there alone, Maleldil and I, for even Oyarsa sent me no word, my heart has been higher, my song deeper, all my days. But do you think it would have been so unless I had known that in Balki hneraki dwelled? There I drank life because death was in the pool.”

The first time I read this passage, found in chapter twelve of C.S. Lewis’ Out of the Silent Planet, it struck me as odd that the hross Hyoi would speak thus. Why should a thing be more pleasurable to the soul simply because of the presence of a nearby danger? Why should the forest not be as bright nor love be as sweet without such a threatening presence? Upon a second glance at the passage and reflection, the truth of the hross’ words became clear and undeniable. I came to realize that I had seen the proof of this in my own life. I have never enjoyed a beautiful sunset, relished the feeling of wind rushing through my hair, admired a starry night sky, cherished the feeling of the sun against my skin or the sweet smell of flowers more than when I was chronically ill and uncertain if I would live to recover. During those years, I greedily drank in each small pleasure that life afforded me, most of which others took no notice of at all. I laughed more heartily, loved more strongly, spoke more candidly, lived with more gratitude in my heart than I had ever done before or since. There was a danger in my waters that threatened my very life and, as the hross points out to Ransom, the forest was brighter and love was sweeter because of it. “There I drank life because death was in the pool.”